when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
