I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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