Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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