What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
