The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
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