The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Randomize
