I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
