your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
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