I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Randomize
