It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
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