hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
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