dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
