I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
