YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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