Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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