i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Randomize
