Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
