States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
