I'm really into asian looking animals
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Hippo gnu deer
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
