it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize