When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Randomize
