the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
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