3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
