i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
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