I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
