He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
