also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
