i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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