thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
