I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
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