i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
