and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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