there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
honey bunches of taint.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
