We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Holy sore nipples Batman
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
