yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
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