somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Randomize
