I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
