i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
