OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Randomize
