morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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