Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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