He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
I want a musical about memes.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
