the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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