My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
