Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Randomize
