let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
Randomize
