my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Randomize
