Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Randomize
