You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
