walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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