When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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