there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize