why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Randomize
