omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
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