When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
