Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Randomize
