Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Randomize
