Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
