this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
