im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
