i already hear my dad disowning me
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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