; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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