College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
