I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
